Lovely. Luhv-lee. What a versatile word it is. It's used to describe days, weather, events, experiences, clothes, and a whole lot more. The dictionary states the word's definition is:
1. charmingly or exquisitely beautiful: a lovely flower.
2. having a beauty that appeals to the heart or mind as well as to the eye, as a person or a face.
3. delightful; highly pleasing: to have a lovely time.
4. of a great moral or spiritual beauty: a lovely character.
All very positive stuff.
I have an issue with the word. A pretty big issue. When I think of the word that people most use to and about me, it's 'lovely'. That's not a humble brag. I find it a bit beige, when being used about a person. There are so many other words that could be used. And I don't think it's being used in a way that expresses any of the dictionary definitions above, though, of course, they're all apt. (Shut up.) And the only consolation somebody had to offer when I mentioned how disgruntled I was? "Well, it's better than being called 'nice', isn't it?" Oh Lordy! I was taught that 'nice' was not a word that should be in my vocabulary, from a very young age, as it's not a good one, so now I use it when I can't think of anything else to say about something or someone. And I reckon that's how people usually use 'lovely'. See? BEIGE.
The other problem with people seeing you as being lovely, is that some think they can take the piss out of your good nature. Lovely, to them, means gullible, stupid, and an idiot. Their idiot. Well, this 'lovely' person has a gut instinct and intuition that have never proven to be wonky, in 33 years. So if you're being a wanker/liar/cheat, I know about it. Only I choose not to tell you that I know. Oooh, being 'lovely' can be a weapon! That's a plus, I guess. My point is, just because somebody is understanding (not me, obvs.), tolerant (definitely not me!) and every other positive trait associated with being 'lovely', it doesn't mean they shouldn't be granted with the same consideration and caution as somebody who's a git. If people can manage the feelings of somebody who's not such a good'un, for fear of upsetting them, SURELY somebody who is a good'un should be given more mind, as they have high levels of respect for everybody, right? Wrong. That doesn't seem to be how it works.
Lovely, to some, seems to mean reliable. Like an old banger. Or a fall back plan. Or somebody to ditch when they’re not needed for their understanding ear.
“I can let her down, she’ll understand.”
Yep, I understand, but I’m not happy.
“I’ve got a hangover, I can’t be arsed to stick to plans.”
Twat.
“Something better has come along. I’ll bin off plans.”
Again, twat.
Sometimes I’ll internalise these thoughts, and sometimes I’ll vocalise them. The latter seems to cause issues because lovely people are supposed to nod and smile and take all the bollocks others offer them. I used to be a lot more than just lovely. And I'm sure I will be again, someday soon.
A friend of mine categorises people in two groups: radiators and drains. Pretty self-explanatory. There are people who radiate and bring warmth to your life, and there are people who drain you of everything you have to offer. My New Year’s Resolution was to be slightly more selfish. I know that sounds a bit shit, but what I mean is that I realised that actually not many people really look out for each other. Sometimes, it’d be good to be asked how I am, like. I do however, realise that I put my standards on to other people, so I expect something of them. This is unfair on others and one (I'm aware there are more, before somebody pipes up!) of my worst traits. I’m setting myself up to be let down because people aren’t doing what I’d do if I was in their place.
I realise this sounds like a rant. And it is. I’m being a drain but only for this post. It’s not aimed at anybody in particular, or relating to any specific event. It’s me getting years of frustration off my ample chest.
Yes, Mr Wonder, I am lovely. (And uptight (see what I did there?), spiky, opinionated, and a princess) but from now on, I’ll only be lovely to those who are lovely back, or lovely first. The radiators in my life. I'm becoming selfishly lovely. x
